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8 Must Have New Year’s Goals

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A New Year is Upon Us!New Year's Resolution Goals to Have

As with any new year, it’s always accompanied with the want to improve areas within our lives. I encourage you to select a goal to strive for within each category. Keep in mind that these do not have to be massive undertakings that are life changing, they are small but mighty. Let’s get started on the 8 Must Have New Year’s Goals to help you start the New Year on the right foot.

Goal setting plays such a big role in helping us push to do better and achieve our dreams. The first step in achieving a dream is to write it down and create a goal. Let’s get to crushing some goals this year!

8 Must Have New Year’s Goals

1. Intellectual

How are you going to challenge yourself this coming year? Are you going to read a book a month? Maybe you’ll learn a new skill or hobby. Whatever it is, you need to challenge your brain.

2. Physical

A common New Year’s goal is weight loss. A physical goal is so much more than that though! You can focus on being more active by getting out for a 30 minute walk five times a week, achieving that advanced yoga pose, successfully completing a marathon, etc. A physical goal is one that challenges you exactly where you are and helps you get to where you want to be.

3. Spiritual

A spiritual goal is so much more than religion, so be open-minded! Sure, this might be where you strive to get to church every week, but it might not be! Meditation and taking time for self-reflection are also great goals to have within this category! Maybe your bucket is filled by giving back to others and you’ll choose to volunteer a certain amount of your time! Be creative!

4. Family

This is a wonderful goal to have! We get so caught up in the day to day and rushing to each requirement that before we know it, the month is over…or maybe even the year. Will your goal be to eat dinner at the table 4 days a week, schedule in time away with your partner, mommy/daddy dates with your child individually, or even lessening the amount of extracurricular activities you say yes to. It’s okay to say no, especially if it means your family is served best!

5. Social

For the most part, we are social beings but those daily responsibilities push our wants to the side. Who are you going to prioritize seeing or talking? Or maybe you say yes too much and feel burned out with so much social stimulation. Determine your limits if that’s the case and be okay with them!

6. Career

While work isn’t everything, it plays a huge role in our lives. Are you wanting to push for a certain promotion? Maybe you’re burned out from your current job and want to begin looking for a new income opportunity? Or dare I suggest it’s time to ask for a well deserved raise? If so, it’s time to ask!

7. Financial

Are you wanting to get out of debt this year? Save for a big purchase? Start your retirement or child’s college fund? Set your goal and work backwards – what will it take to achieve that goal and does it align with your current career? While these are all independent goal categories, they all spill into the other!

8. Personal

Taking time for yourself is vital. We spend so much giving that we often find our own buckets empty and it’s impossible to give from an empty bucket. Is this the year your prioritize taking time for yourself even if it’s only an afternoon a month? Heck, a good bubble bath with some music or audible book is just as rejuvenating for some!

Are Your New Year’s Goals Ready?

I’m excited to hear how you’ll be catapulting yourself into success with this list of 8 Must Have New Year’s Goals! Comment below and share what you’ll be focusing on!

If you enjoyed this post, How to Set and Achieve a Goal the SMART Way is another post about goal setting and setting yourself up for success!

9/11: A Day Remembered

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A Day in HistoryCrystal Chapman

Today is such a vivid day in my memory, as I’m sure it is for all of you. I remember where I was, what I was doing, and that I pretty much cried all day. We watched the second tower get hit live on television while in global history class. I remember that frantic feeling among teachers and students, as we all very quietly exited school. It’s as if we were all in a trance. A trance caused by shock, pain, horror and fear to name a few. I remember watching the news all day long from my cousin’s home because I was babysitting their baby girl. I sat and rocked her, and cried. What was happening and what did it mean for our future?

Now that I am a parent, I often wonder what kind of world did I bring my children into? My son entered kindergarten a few weeks ago – will they talk to his class about the significance of this day? As much as we work hard to not shelter our children, is he too young to hear this? Will learning about this very significant day in our history take away some of his innocence?

Thousands went to bed on the eve of 9/11 and finished the day with their lives forever changed.

A United Front

My sister told me a story recently that’s been sticking with me. She witnessed a 3 car accident and barely missed being the 4th vehicle involved. She was on a multi-lane highway on her way home from her nursing job, and in the pouring rain, she ran across the highway to take care of those in need. She’s both an RN and prior soldier. She needed to stay, right? She was obligated to…but was she really? No, she wasn’t. She could have thanked her lucky stars, called the paramedics and left, but instead she crossed the highway and risked her safety to help others. She did what needed to be done and didn’t question it. THAT’S what us Americans are about. THAT’S what we all saw when we were attacked. We were united.

Selfless individuals – military and civilian – are what make this country of ours so great. We take for granted so much in our lives and it’s a shame, but we’re all so very human. It’s insane to think this was so long ago that children are learning about this in books and will never know or feel what that was like. As horrible and terrifying 9/11 was, it was so very uniting.

A Patriotic Response

I remember enlisting in the Army Reserves that following summer and sworn in as a junior in high school on 7/1/2002. It’s kind of unbelievable to think I made such a big decision at only 17, but it was what I wanted to do. I remember at basic training, we were asked to say WHY we chose to enlist and the amount of people that stood and said “because of 9/11” probably encompassed the majority of the room. While I never served overseas and my time was served as a Reservist, I’m still honored to have served. I don’t often share I served because I was “just a reservist” but I am still proud of what I accomplished. I know I learned skills, life lessons and things about ME I may never have learned – especially at that early of an age in life.

Some of my greatest friends are fellow soldiers, both reservists and active duty, and across all branches. There’s a unity there regardless of where you fall in that group and it’s pretty amazing. My father, brother in law and best friend are among some that served overseas. It’s insane to think my brother in law and best friend wouldn’t be in my life had it not been for the military.

We are American

So with that, I’d like for you all to maybe take a step back and reflect on where you were. For those of us old enough to remember when the attack occurred, it’s impossible not to remember. On this day in 2018, it’s hard to believe this hateful and horrible nightmare took place 17 years ago on 9/11. History books are now printed with stories from 9/11 to educate those too young or not born yet to learn about.

We are American and will always find a way to come together in a time of crisis and need, and we will always rise above the occasion. But I do wish it didn’t take tragedy to see that American front so clearly. Be the change. Help someone today. Go out of your way to be kind. Thank a soldier, a family member of a soldier, law enforcement officer or first responder. And please be one to stop the next time you see someone in need.

Family Rule: We Take Care of Each Other

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A Family RulePaisley Raye Crystal Chapman

I work hard to teach my children to be kind and to take care of one another. It’s our number one family rule. They are almost 4 and 6, and know it’s their job to always make sure the other is okay. We take care of each other because that’s what family does. But it goes further than that. If you see someone hurt, you always run for help. You don’t ask questions, you don’t worry about who it is, you just run and get help, because that’s what we do.
It’s important to instill this value into children young because they are our future, and we need to be teaching kindness and compassion. Our world isn’t always pretty and to see a change, you need to be part of the change. Things like using manners, holding doors and being aware enough to include others are seeming like a lost art. Our children deserve to see those things role modeled for them. After all, when you know better, you do better. And my goal is for my children to always do better.

And Then it Happened

Earlier this week, I was at a vendor event with my two children that took place outdoors and backed up against a fenced in school playground – glorious, right? Before sending them off to play, I said “Xavier, take care of your sister. Scarlett, take care of your brother. Go have fun!”
It was amazing. The sun was shining and I was able to do my thing while knowing my children were safe and having fun….until I heard that dreaded sound of my daughter screaming. I wasn’t even looking and couldn’t see who the child was, but I knew. I knew that was the sound of my child, and more specifically, I knew it was my daughter. As I started to run, I saw my son racing towards me. I didn’t stop to ask what happened, I just ran by him. But it didn’t matter because he followed our family rule and all I needed to see was him running towards me to solidify something was wrong.
My baby girl’s knee was stuck in between two metal bars and I couldn’t get it out. Just as I started to panic because her screams were only getting louder and she was crying hysterically, I noticed there were at least 4 other adults that instinctively followed behind me the second they saw me start to run. The instant relief I felt when I saw others were there to help without me having to ask is indescribable. Thankfully, a man was able to pull on the metal bar just enough for me to pull her knee out and she wasn’t seriously injured. I am so thankful I wasn’t alone because I don’t know how I would have done it.

A Heartfelt Lesson Learned

I cannot begin to count the number of times I’ve ran to help someone else. Because that’s what we do. It’s what I was taught and what my husband was taught. You always help. But thankfully, I’ve never been in need of being on the receiving end of that help. Our society is fast and ever moving. We’re always late and have forty things left on our to-do list, and sometimes manners and small courtesies are left by the wayside. But you know what? When it matters and someone is in need, those same people will move and help.

If I learned anything from this experience, it’s that we are never alone. It might feel like you’re surrounded by people with zero manners or awareness to those around them, but people are good, and they will help when you need it. I learned far more homes teach these same values to their children and if we look beyond the news, you’ll see the good outweighs the bad.

To the man (Davy) that rescued my daughter – thank you again. But also thank you for proving this isn’t a life lesson that’s only being taught in my home. Thank you for showing your growing family that you always have compassion for others and you run for help when someone is in need. After my daughter had calmed, we walked over to the man to thank him. His response was “when you see a mama running, you follow her and don’t ask questions.” It’s not just mama’s thought. It goes further than that. If you see someone hurt, you always run for help. You don’t ask questions, you don’t worry about who it is, you just run for help, because that’s what we do.

Do You Have Family Rules?

I’d love to hear what your family rules are! Every opportunity to learn how others do things is a learning opportunity, and I enjoy bringing new thoughts to our home. Please comment here or hop on over to my Facebook community and share your thoughts! If you’d like to learn more about our new friends, you can find Davy and his wife, Toi at Fittastic Bodies.

Don’t Wait For Goodbye

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What Are You Waiting For?

Very recently, we lost my husband’s grandmother at the age of 85 – what a wonderful life! It’s hard to believe she was living independently just the week prior and now she’s gone. How I wish I had told her some of the things in my heart, but I didn’t. Don’t wait for goodbye, it’s not worth it because you’re almost always too late.

I remember when my husband’s grandfather passed away. There I sat the following evening helplessly at work in Alaska while he had traveled across the country to be with his mourning family. To say I desperately wanted to be there is an understatement but I couldn’t. I remember an email I wrote to his grandmother that evening and I’m so thankful I did. I told her how much I appreciated her and her husband for always being so kind to me. She’d always greet me with  “hey gal, how are ya?” with a twinkle in her eye, and a big smile on her face. She also gave such great hugs. Like the real ones that you want to fold into because you’re being held just the right way. A real hug.

Hard Lessons Learned

You’d think by now I’d have learned my lesson after losing my Papa Chubbie (choobie) this last April. He was in his 90s and I guess I never thought the day would come. Time is so easy to take for granted when getting caught up in the silly day to day. I probably also took for granted him knowing I love him because he knew, but I should have told him more often. It wasn’t easy to call and I remember not wanting to while he was passing because I wasn’t ready for it. I felt guilty and I wasn’t ready to admit his time was coming to an end. And I was so sad. I was mourning so much of my childhood and couldn’t bring myself to do it.

But you know what? He waited for me. I called to tell him I love him and that he could go when he was ready. It was heartbreaking to say that and I melted down once off the phone. Several minutes later, I was sitting in my bed and felt the biggest cold chill. It was a feel it deep in my bones and made me shake for a quick second kind of cold chill. And then my sister called. My grandfather had passed. He waited for me, the last of his grandchildren to call, and then he left. He was saying goodbye to me and no amount of logic could sway me otherwise.

Unanswered Questions

I’d say at least half of my fondest memories involve my grandparents. I adored them and couldn’t wait to get into the kitchen with each of them. My father’s mother was Puerto Rican and my mother’s father was Italian, and they both knew how to cook! Oh goodness, their cooking – I swear nobody was capable of cooking well as them. I mean, you could try but it’s not likely I’d believe you. My siblings and cousins would be out playing and I was standing on a chair helping them cook every step of the way. Did I ever tell them how much I treasured that? Did my Papa Chubbie know how special it made me feel to get one of the prized meatballs while cooking when he told all the other kids no? They both made me feel so incredibly special. Did they know how much they impacted who I am today?

So here I sit, wondering what the hell is keeping me from sharing these things with those I love? I mean, they might not be here tomorrow. Hell, I might not be…although I hope that’s not the case for a very long time. But we don’t know. Nobody does. So why am I waiting? Why am I taking time for granted time and time again?

Tomorrow isn’t promised

Tell those around you that you love them. Tell them why they’re so important to you. Call them just to say hello and don’t Don't wait for goodbyewait for a holiday, etc to roll around. Time is fleeting and we don’t get second chances. When our loved one is gone, they’re gone. Don’t let yourself be left with unanswered questions.

I need to instill these habits in myself if I’m ever going to guide my children properly. After all, if I’m waiting until tomorrow to call my parents, siblings or grandparents, will they eventually do that to me? To their father? What about to each other? Lead by example, right?

Pick up the phone and call your loved one. You’ll never regret doing it, but I can promise you you’ll regret it if you don’t. Who are you going to call? I’m going to call my Grandpa and MeMe because tomorrow might not be soon enough.

Gluten Free Monster Cookies

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Gluten Free Monster Cookies

I have a wonderful friend that always makes cookies for everyone at Christmas time, and she wanted to make sure I wasn’t excluded being that I’m gluten free. It’s hard to believe it has already been 10 years, but she took it upon herself to try out a few different cookie recipes, and I am to this day in love with this recipe of Gluten Free Monster Cookies! I’ve made them countless times and will use different candies or chocolates depending on my mood…or what’s in the pantry when the craving hits!

This recipe has served it’s purpose in my life – primarily while nursing! Oh my heavens, I thought I was hungry while pregnant…nursing a newborn is no joke! I would wake up STARVING and needing to eat right.that.very.minute or else everyone would feel the wrath of mama. Not pretty. These cookies helped to hold me over in the middle of then night. The oatmeal and peanut butter base of these cookies truly helped to make my belly happy. I encourage giving these a whirl.

Fast Recipe with Great Quality Time!

It’s no secret I work from home, and I also stay home with my children. Balance is hard to achieve regardless of the schedule you have at hand, and it’s important to step back and remember to enjoy the little moments. This is my go-to recipe to do with my children. They’re 3 and 5, and their attention span is very limited. This recipe takes all of 15 minutes tops to get prepared, and the rest is all baking time. It’s such a win-win situation because they get to “help” make cookies, we’re spending time together. I’m intentional about the time and they get all of my attention, but it’s so short that we all enjoy it before anyone gets frustrated. That’s winning, if you ask me! Haha!! Plus, a yummy snack afterwards!

Ingredients for Gluten Free Monster Cookies

3 eggs
1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 12-ounce jar of creamy peanut butter
1 stick butter, softened
1/2 cup M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces Candies
1/4 cup chocolate chips
1/4 cup raisins, optional
2 tsp baking soda
4 1/2 cups Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free Quick Cooking Oats

Directions for Gluten Free Monster Cookies

1. Preheat oven o 350 degrees and line cooking sheet with parchment paper or light layer of butter.

2. In a very large mixing bowl, combine the eggs and sugars, mixing well. Add the salt, vanilla, peanut butter, and butter, and mix well. Stir in candies, chocolate chips and raisins (if using), baking soda, and oatmeal.

3. Bake for 8-10 minutes, and be sure not to over bake. Let stand for 3-5 minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool.

Excited to Try this Recipe?!

I hope you’ll come back here and let me know how you like this delicious recipe! Share some photos of your yummy cookies and show us who you baked them with!! If you enjoyed this recipe, don’t forget to check out my Gluten Free Sugar Cookies Recipe!

I’d love to see you over in our Facebook group where we share lots of other fun things with each other!! Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog if you want to keep up with future gluten free and allergen friendly recipes!

Why Do I Hold a Grudge?

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Why Do I Hold a Grudge?

I’ve been working really hard as of the last year to really work on myself. I am striving to become a better me and better understand myself, because I want to bring a positive light to those around me. With that, I’ve had to face some hard truths – I’m stubborn as hell and I can hold a mean grudge…many of you know this, but has this held me back? How has this pushed me forward in life? Stubbornness doesn’t have to be bad when harnessed the right way. But have I always used for the greater good? It’s questions like these that have left me asking myself why do I hold a grudge? Why can’t I let go of shit?

Life Experiences Mold Our Behaviors

I’ve chosen to persevere during certain times in my life and constantly look for the solution, how to get to the next step, and even how to just figure out how to survive emotionally. Feelings are important and it’s important we allow ourselves time to process them. I know this perseverance comes from the fact that I’m stubborn and don’t allow myself to settle for anything less than what I’m capable of, what my dreams are, or what I’m worth.

Another thing I’ve learned about myself that I’ve always known, but not really why, is that I can hold a mean grudge. It has taken some serious reflection to understand WHY it feels impossible for me to just let something go.

I have always felt this was something broken about me. That holding a grudge was something wrong with me, but I don’t think there is. Maybe it was a survival mechanism because for so long it was necessary for me to be able to continue pushing through certain times in my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired of giving my all and being met with disappointment. Boundaries are good, and I’m learning this…slowly. For me, a grudge is my defense mechanism. Does that mean I need to work better with my boundaries or acceptance? Maybe. Probably.

Why Does it Have to be a Bad Thing?

Here’s the thing though, holding a grudge isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I’m not going to beat myself up any longer when this happens. Sometimes holding a grudge doesn’t come from feeling wronged, or thinking you’re right and refusing to admit otherwise. Sometimes it’s flat out about self-preservation. Just like I said before, it’s a defense mechanism.

If you’re like me, you love with your whole heart, and when you learn that’s not reciprocated, or realize you’re not being treated the way in which you deserve, you pull back. I never want to hurt the feelings of others, it’s never ever my intention, so I’ll sit with those feelings silently. And I’ll cry about it. But I won’t say anything. It’s like I’m incapable of allowing that conversation to be opened because of the rejection that can and likely will ensue. I don’t do well with rejection.

For me, holding a grudge is about protecting myself. I let you in and you broke that trust. Even though I have every right to state those feelings, I won’t because I don’t want to cause hurt feelings….despite the heart crushing ones I’m experiencing.

Self-Acceptance and Grace

Here’s what I’ve decided…it’s OKAY for me to hold a grudge and I won’t apologize for doing so. I also won’t force myself to change in this area, but I do need to learn it’s okay to say my bit. I deserve that closure just as much as anyone else, as do you. Life is short. I’m tired of feeling as if I’m dancing around the feelings of others for the sake of their feelings, and neglecting my own. I have value, too. My feelings and self-worth are just as valid as anyone else’s, and I need to allow myself the same grace I provide others.

I’m slowly starting to allow myself to say those things though. As much as it feels good, I’m also realizing I need to be 100% ready to accept the potential rejection. That’s not an easy pill to swallow, but I’m doing my best. I won’t lie, I’m choosing to push myself primarily because of my children – what does it say to them if I’m going to allow others to not treat me with the value I deserve?

You know the old saying “it’s their loss”….well, it’s true because I’m a damn good friend. I know it in my heart. My intentions are pure and I’m someone you truly want in your corner, but if you don’t want me there, so be it.

I’m Giving You Permission and a Challenge

I’m giving you all permission to accept this “negative characteristic” about yourself if you’re a fellow grudge-holder. I do challenge you to dig deep so you can truly understand WHY you are a grudge holder. Truly ask yourself – why do I hold a grudge? Do you have room to grow from that revelation in one way or another?

Say it with me…”You don’t get to pick how much of me you get – you get all or nothing because  real and authentic. I don’t do superficial. And damn it, I’m worth it because in all honesty, I’m fucking awesome”.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, so please leave a comment!

My Baby Girl is 3

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Another Year Older

My baby girl is 3 today. I’ve been super emotional about this all week long and I’m just not sure why. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t really have a baby anymore, and we won’t be having another. As bizarre as it is, I don’t have baby fever for another baby, I have baby fever for MY babies to be tiny again. I want to relive those days again or at least make them last longer.

I can’t help but get caught up in reminiscing about how Xavier was Scarlett’s age when we finally moved back to Alaska. How is it possible she’s as big as he was at that time?! He was running around turning on lights, opening doors and basically raising hell, and now she’s on his tail…or leading the way. Haha

Scarlett is beginning to play with all of the toys Xavier treasured at this age, and the floodgates of memories can get overwhelming at times. It makes my heart happy to see this silly little puzzle getting new love again.

Crystal Chapman
I can still hear Xavier saying “A house? For me?! Oh thank you!!” during our first walk through of our home. It’s pretty surreal my baby that was only 14 months at the time and still preferring to crawl or be carried half the time, is now capable of so much. My baby girl is 3 today, and while I absolutely adore watching her learn and grow, she’s breaking my heart.

A Night and Day Difference

Having Scarlett was extremely healing for my heart and soul. My birth experience with Xavier was very hard for me and I’ll still cry thinking back to it because I don’t remember the first several hours of his life. Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to describe it and it was nothing that I wanted. I didn’t get to experience the birth I wanted, didn’t bathe him and didn’t hold him or have skin to skin when he was born.

The one thing I do remember from his birth was my husband telling me “Xavier Joseph is here” and that’s how I found out we had a little boy. That’s the one thing besides our baby obviously being healthy that went the way I wanted. I wanted my husband to be the one to tell me, and he did. Another thing I remember is my husband sitting next to me holding him while they fixed me up. I touched his face, gave him a kiss and fell asleep. But that’s all I remember until waking up in the recovery room.

My husband went through all of the photos on his phone and told me step by step everything that happened during the time I missed. He must have told me the same story in full at least 20 times, and I cried each time. Scarlett though, I remember it all. It was such a healing feeling to know I was present mentally for all of her birth, and I’m incredibly thankful for that.

Miss Scarlett’s Arrival

Scarlett’s birth was a planned repeat cesarean and couldn’t have been more different. I remember asking my doctor if we could have her on Sunday, October 12th because Xavier’s birthday was on the 12th – and I mean, one on 12/12/12 (unplanned) and the other on 10/12/14 is pretty darn cool! He let us schedule a cesarean on a Sunday morning during football season – the sacrifice! Hahaha!! I also asked if my husband could take some photos of our baby’s birth and all he asked for was a model release. LOL!

As I walked back to the operating room, I was a crying fool. I was so emotional about everything to come and totally terrified about having surgery. I’d had that surgery before and it sucked. Bad. While sitting on the edge of the bed getting the spinal blocked placed, I remember the nurse hugging me. Granted, she was there to hold me still but she was hugging me. Like for real hugging me and telling me it’d all be okay. I couldn’t help but melt into her arms.

After the spinal was placed, I kind of lost it and was borderline hysterical just wanting my husband with me. The anesthesiologist was wiping my tears and holding my hand. He kept telling me “your husband will be here soon and then your baby”, and it honestly made such a difference to hear so much kindness. Everyone was nice to me during Xavier’s birth but these people were different. They were being genuinely kind to me.

While still waiting for my husband to be brought back, I heard my doctor come in but couldn’t see him because of the curtain being up already. I heard him say “we’re going to have a baby today! I feel so honored to be here!” He wasn’t saying that to me or to anyone in general, he was just saying it because he meant it. I could feel it. He meant it and I felt such a huge sigh of relief at that point.

It’s a Girl!

Scarlett was nameless at birth because we were team green and couldn’t agree on a girl name! We went to the hospital with only a boy name agreed upon and two potential girl names. It was an overwhelming experience when my husband told me our baby was a girl. All I could think was “my Scarlett’s here” even though she wasn’t named yet. I have a baby girl. She went nameless for another 24 hours but I did in fact win…if you can’t tell. LOL!

It's a girl
I got to hold her on my chest and have photos of her birth. A nurse overheard me coaching my husband about just taking pictures and not looking because he passes out from blood. She was all “how about I take those photos and keep daddy feeling good?” Hahaha! She got the most amazing photos of Scarlett’s birth. I had never felt like Xavier’s entrance was beautiful because society is always so fixated on birth being “natural” because apparently having a baby extracted from your body in order to guarantee their health is not natural or beautiful. But it was beautiful and perfect.

In the recovery room, the nurse that photographed her birth stopped what she as doing when she saw my husband having a sweet moment with our baby girl, and took a few more photos. Like, who has to do that?

A Healing Experience

Motherhood has been healing for me all the way around. Childhood was a series of lessons in what I didn’t want to be as a mother and I was hyper focused on all the ways I could fail while pregnant. The fears didn’t get easier with Scarlett’s pregnancy, they actually got harder for me. I feared I’d have a favorite, wouldn’t be able to love two children, that Xavier would feel forgotten because that’s what happened to me. Part of me longed to have another boy because I know the special bond I have with my sister since we’re less than 18 months apart, but I also wanted a girl.

Scarlett has given me that positive mother-daughter relationship for the first true time in my life. She doesn’t know how much she has healed my heart and I hope she never understands because if she does, that means I will have failed. She’ll hopefully never understand despite knowing my story, but maybe she’ll appreciate how it impacted hers for the better.

It excites me to think of all the things for us to do on our journey together as mother and daughter, and I’m excited to get to be on it with her. She’s my perfect girl.

They’ve Given Me More

My son made me a mother and it’s something I always dreamed about and longed for. Despite wanting it so badly, motherhood was something I feared because of the potential to fail. He has made me realize someone else’s struggles and failures don’t mean I’m going to fail. I’ll struggle because we all do, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to fail. My daughter gave me a healthy and positive mother-daughter bond. Jealously is a hard feeling to fight as a child watching others have what you want. It’s hard seeing what you want and knowing you can’t have it because yours isn’t capable. Forgiveness is hard at that age…or any.

Sibling Love
Becoming a mother has changed me so much for the better. I’ve struggled at times with who I am and my identity as an individual, but not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the fact that I am their mother. Navigating this life as mom isn’t an easy one but so unbelievably worth it.

My Baby Girl is 3

So on this day 3 years ago at 10:13 am (it really couldn’t have been 10:12? LOL), my sweet and sassy little princess entered the world. My goodness, she’s so perfect and I hope she always knows it. I rocked her to sleep for the last time as a 2 year old last night, and tonight I’ll rock her to sleep for the first time as a 3 year old. So very bittersweet but the adventure we’re on together is what makes my life as amazing as it is.

One special thing I do with them on their birthday, is sing Happy Birthday to them all by myself. I hold them in the quiet of the night if they wake after midnight, or in the early morning, and sing to them. It’s our special time and I treasure it. I hope we get those quiet mornings for years to come before either of them think it’s silly.

One of our first traditions all started with a silhouette photo I wanted while pregnant, and we’ve taken one every year since. I look forward to watching this collection grow and continuing to create new traditions.

Silhouette Collection - Year 2
Happy Birthday to my sweet girl.

Raising a Confident Child

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A Private Exchange in Public

As parents, how do we know we are raising a confident child? How do we help them grow without unknowingly pushing our own issues or insecurities onto them? My children are nearing 3 and 5, and it already feels like a constant struggle.

I was taking some time to myself recently and enjoying some coffee in quiet at Starbucks. While sitting there, I watched the strangest yet incredibly captivating interaction between a couple in line. For whatever reason, salsa music was playing in the cafe and while I noticed it, I didn’t give it much thought. That is until I saw the woman waiting in line. She began dancing in place very subtly, yet still very noticeably (if that makes sense! LOL). She was dancing in place just staring at the man she was with, and he was looking straight into her eyes with a big smile. I couldn’t help but wonder – are they are new couple, still in that honeymoon phase where everything the other one does is amazing? Maybe. I did catch a glimpse at their hands…because I’m nosey, and they were in fact married. I’m going to assume it was to each other. Ha!

She danced for this entire song and playfully put his hand on her waist so he could “dance” with her. She wanted him to feel her movements. I could tell watching she knew he wasn’t going to dance with her but she wanted him to feel her rhythm. My question is this – how in the hell does someone have the confidence to do that?! Not only in public…but in Starbucks and not anywhere that dancing takes place on a regular basis. Maybe she’s a dance teacher or enthusiast? Maybe she just likes to dance? There could be a million possible answers to that question and it’s a question I’ll never know the answer to. I know…deep thoughts by Crystal. Ha! It left me wondering if there’s some magic answer for raising a confident child.

Realist vs Dreamer

It did leave me wondering – how do you develop it and even more importantly, how do you keep it as you grow? I don’t remember a time where I was that carefree and felt so confident in myself that I didn’t care who was watching. I’m sure I did because I see photos from when I was a child, but let’s be honest, most of my photos are of me with a sassy expression. I don’t remember being that day dreamy child with not a care in the world. I’m sure part of that has to do with my childhood and the fact that I was a big sister to two siblings that relied on me.

I’m certain my role as big sister needing to look after my younger siblings forced me to grow up faster, but it still wasn’t something I was ever able to let go of even once things were different. Those early days molded me and I’m such a practical person because of it. Very full of realism. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an eternal optimist, but I’m a realist and I have a lot of doubt in those around me. Being a dreamer isn’t practical since you have to be a doer in order to get anything done.

I’m not that person who trusts easily even though I make friends incredibly easily. Is that why I can’t comprehend what I witnessed in Starbucks? Is that why I can’t relate to someone so freely expressing themselves for everyone around them to see? Quite honestly, this blog is so damn hard for me because I’m finding myself sharing things I don’t typically share. Is it a confidence from being behind the computer and knowing I won’t meet most who will ever read this…assuming (and hoping!!) people do in fact read it?

Confidence…A Learned Behavior?

I’ve thought a lot about confidence and if it’s a learned behavior, and I’m just not sure. I mean, in a way it is, but I actually think LACK of confidence is the learned behavior. At what point in our lives do we decide it’s time to start doubting ourselves and caring what others think? I have confidence in many ways but the self-doubt when I branch out or try something new is so real, and most of it boils down to me caring what others are going to think.

Like deciding to join LuLaRoe for example. Oh my. I seriously cried and started to panic when I thought about hitting ‘post’ on my Facebook wall. I was 31 to the day, and I was panicking about what others would think. My fears honestly had nothing to do with my thought of failing, it had everything to do with what others would think. Because I’m a doer. Are you freaking kidding me? I spent a small fortune to start a business, something I’ve never done before, yet wasn’t scared at all about that. Ummm….that makes zero sense.

I know I’m a strong woman. I am certain I am capable of anything I decide I’m going to do once I decide to do it, but you won’t ever see me dancing in public or anything I deem vulnerable because I’m going to worry about what others are thinking. What are they going to say? How will that make me look? OMG, they’re going to think I’m stupid. Yeah…I’m that girl. I hide my insecurities well most days. Probably because my spirit animal is a duck. Ha!

At What Age Does it Start?

The evolution of confidence never really crossed my mind until I had my son. Recently though, I find myself thinking about it even more now that I have a daughter. Not that I think my son will naturally be more confident than my daughter, but because I don’t know what it’s like to grow up as a boy! The biggest reason is I see how strong-willed my little girl is, how she’s happy to wear whatever the hell she wants, and doesn’t care what I think. I love it…most days. But at what age does that blatant disregard for what others think fade away?

Raising a Confident Child

I think it’s a gradual change…one that happens with the help of society, but also with your upbringing. Society has instilled a certain level of behavior that’s expected from either sex, and it’s one I’m seeing each of my children begin to already learn at the ripe old ages of nearly 3 and 5. “That’s a girl color.” “Girls don’t do that.” “That’s only for boys.” Mind you, I’ve never said any of those things to my children and neither has my husband. My son went through a very short phase of wanting to wear a headband around the house because I did, so he did. It lasted all of a week but he had to try it out, so he did.

More and more, I’m hearing my sweet little guy say “I hope my friend likes my new shirt” and we always tell him it doesn’t matter what anyone else likes. All that matters is if he likes it! School is not an issue yet, he is involved in gymnastics which there’s no time to talk during, and all of our play dates are with friends and we don’t talk about that stuff. Where are those thoughts coming from? I’ll tell you where – we all want acceptance.

Defining Our Children

Scarlett marches to the beat of her own drum. She doesn’t care at all about anything except that she’s happy. Or not happy…the struggle is real with Scarlett. LOL! The wrath of Scarlett is pretty fierce. Ha! When will she start to doubt herself the way I do? How do I teach her to remain confident in ALL aspects of her life when I’m not outwardly expressing the same?

My son is about to be 5 and right now he wants to be like me and such a lovey boy. We dealt with hurt feelings a few months back when matching leggings came for my daughter and I, and not Xavier. He wants to match me because he wants to be like me. I know that will change but how much of that will happen because that’s what is expected of him socially? We found leggings that were “boyish” to get us a matching pair – and he was beyond excited. He had something special with me and it was just ours.

Xavier recently wanted a new pair of leggings because it had been a little while since he’d gotten any, and he loves wearing them on lazy days around the house or to gymnastics. I told him we didn’t have any boy ones and everything was flowers. His response was “Mommy! I like flowers!” Next thing I know, he is wearing a pair of blue leggings with flowers because he likes flowers! He definitely got to keep those!

Raising a Confident Child

How Do We Raise a Confident Child?

Is there a magic answer here? My children will be confident in so many ways, I know this because we strive as parents to instill this on them. My question is how the hell do I teach and encourage them to express themselves however they feel fit when I don’t do that myself? Am I teaching them over time to be more reserved? If that’s their personality, by all means…but not if I’m teaching it. Reserved is a way in which I would describe myself, but was I always reserved?

How do I help keep my free spirited little girl free spirited and confident like the woman in the Starbucks cafe? How do I lovingly encourage my son to step outside of his normally reserved self? I want him to to always try something new and be brave, but how? It’s strange to see two little people that are so incredibly different from each other have so much in common with me, but differently. I love exactly who they are, but if they want to dance in the middle of Starbucks, I hope they feel supported enough by me to do so.

Gah. This parenting crap is hard. I have no answers…just questions. Who has answers? Help a sister out! LOL! I’d love to learn more about your parenting adventures and how you’ve approached raising a confident child. Join me over HERE in my Facebook group!

7 Tips to Balancing Being Mom and Working From Home

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The WAH/SAH Juggling Act

Finding balance is difficult to find when working from home, or at least it feels that way when you first start out. Your new business is budding and needs all the love and attention it can get, but so are your children – something’s gotta give and you don’t want it to be either!

For me, the realization you pay for everything in either time or money resonated loudly. Talk about a lightbulb moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a hot mess and have some work to do, but overall, I’m finding it and here’s how!

Here are my 7 Tips to Balancing Being a Mom and Working From Home.

Steps to Balancing

1. Is there a service you can use to do some/all of a requirement for you? For me, this is Shop the Roe and Vizzlie!

2. Childcare – I have someone come to my home 1-2 times a week for about 5-6 hours at a time, and I work uninterrupted. I found all of my sitters on Care.com

3. Set a schedule and stick to it. I typically photograph for an hour or so while my sitter is here. Online parties on Thursday, in home parties on Friday and my weekly VIP on Saturday. Invoicing is done the day of and day after my online sales, and hit the post office on Monday and Friday each week. Stray from the schedule IF time permits! Shop the Box and random outfit sales are great!

4. Have a friend over to help you once a week, or whenever you need it!

5. My kids know if I have it planned to go live, they get to watch a movie – it’s the only time during the day they get to watch it and it typically only happens once a week.

6. Sometimes you just have to push all of that aside and just play with your kiddos – All of that nonsense will still be there when you’re finished playing.

7. Be kind to yourself and allow for your process to steadily evolve. Your kiddos love you and you love your kiddos, an hour here or there of them not getting your undivided attention will not kill them.

It’s That Easy?

Ha! Wouldn’t that be nice?! It’s all a process – just roll with it and have fun! If you ever stop having fun, step back and take a look at the situation. What can you change? There’s always a solution, you just have to keep an open mind and look for it.

Don’t forget to follow me HERE to keep up with my ever changing schedule, as life of mom and business owner is one that’s constantly evolving!

Letting Go of The Mom Guilt

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We Do it To Ourselves

Mom guilt is real and it sucks! I am by far my biggest critic and I’m quite certain most mothers can relate. So you know what I did? I let it go. Sure, it rears it’s ugly head from time to time, but that’s okay because I don’t let it dominate me anymore.

Learning how to push those thoughts aside is difficult, but with practice we can all accomplish it. Making it a common practice of letting go of the mom guilt has had the greatest of impacts on my mental health.

If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

We all love our children. The constant self-doubt we feel over the job we’re doing is proof of that. It’s okay to take care of #1 because nobody else is going to benefit from an unhappy and unsatisfied mama. Being selfish about time alone to do things you want to do is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s vital. Stress is higher in a home where time isn’t allotted to decompress, and our children are soaking in those negative vibes.

Too much time is spent worrying about what *should* be done and feeling guilt from what didn’t happen. Why? In time, I’ve realized I get less and less productive the longer it’s been since my last time away. We get burnt out and it’s justifiable. This gig is HARD. Internally, I struggled a lot during the postpartum time after each child, and it sucks I kept it to myself.

Not Everything is About Mama

Here’s the other half to that though – our partner needs that time as well. They need time away to do things to help hang onto who we are just as much as we do. I don’t know how it is for you, but for me, I tend to advocate for my husband to have the time he needs to be a better father and husband…but then I get bitter about it because I haven’t spoken up for myself. He would never tell me no, just as I would never tell him no, yet I sit quietly waiting for him to say something like “I think you should go for the day.” Umm, how stupid is that?

Table For One

I’ve realized I don’t need to have plans made with a friend or to do something in order to have time away. I like going to have coffee all by myself while it’s quiet and still hot! Thai food alone is also high on the list because I don’t have to share my freaking Thai Iced Tea with all the world. I enjoy walking around the bookstore even though I have virtually zero time to actually read and use audiobooks instead.

So this is me giving you permission to let go of the mom guilt as well. You’re a damn good mama, now go reward yourself for that. Do something that makes you smile and don’t feel guilty about it – you deserve it.

Find me on Facebook and tell me what your favorite way to decompress is.