We Do it To Ourselves
Mom guilt is real and it sucks! I am by far my biggest critic and I’m quite certain most mothers can relate. So you know what I did? I let it go. Sure, it rears it’s ugly head from time to time, but that’s okay because I don’t let it dominate me anymore.
Learning how to push those thoughts aside is difficult, but with practice we can all accomplish it. Making it a common practice of letting go of the mom guilt has had the greatest of impacts on my mental health.
If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy
We all love our children. The constant self-doubt we feel over the job we’re doing is proof of that. It’s okay to take care of #1 because nobody else is going to benefit from an unhappy and unsatisfied mama. Being selfish about time alone to do things you want to do is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s vital. Stress is higher in a home where time isn’t allotted to decompress, and our children are soaking in those negative vibes.
Too much time is spent worrying about what *should* be done and feeling guilt from what didn’t happen. Why? In time, I’ve realized I get less and less productive the longer it’s been since my last time away. We get burnt out and it’s justifiable. This gig is HARD. Internally, I struggled a lot during the postpartum time after each child, and it sucks I kept it to myself.
Not Everything is About Mama
Here’s the other half to that though – our partner needs that time as well. They need time away to do things to help hang onto who we are just as much as we do. I don’t know how it is for you, but for me, I tend to advocate for my husband to have the time he needs to be a better father and husband…but then I get bitter about it because I haven’t spoken up for myself. He would never tell me no, just as I would never tell him no, yet I sit quietly waiting for him to say something like “I think you should go for the day.” Umm, how stupid is that?
Table For One
I’ve realized I don’t need to have plans made with a friend or to do something in order to have time away. I like going to have coffee all by myself while it’s quiet and still hot! Thai food alone is also high on the list because I don’t have to share my freaking Thai Iced Tea with all the world. I enjoy walking around the bookstore even though I have virtually zero time to actually read and use audiobooks instead.
So this is me giving you permission to let go of the mom guilt as well. You’re a damn good mama, now go reward yourself for that. Do something that makes you smile and don’t feel guilty about it – you deserve it.
Find me on Facebook and tell me what your favorite way to decompress is.